we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No subtext here. People are naked.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
