I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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