how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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