and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
