just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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