Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
