what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
