Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
