actually, I'm a sock model
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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