I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize