Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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