Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
