friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
