We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
