Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We are all done wearing pants today
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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