The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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