She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
