Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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