I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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