I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
