yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
