I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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