the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
