I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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