so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
