Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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