I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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