I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
