I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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