So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize