i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
