cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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