good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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