My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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