Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
