Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
