yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
