my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize