Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
