her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We left an ass print on the piano.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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