So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
