Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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