So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
