Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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