I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
