We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
