i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
