Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
