I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
this hospital has no fireball
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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