how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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