literally had 100 drinks last night.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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