we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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