I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Quick, to the slutcave!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
