when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
