After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
