i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
