Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you inspire me to be a worse person
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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