it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
