Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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