All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
