I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
