i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
