i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
How's work?
Spinning.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
