No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
