Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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