im six kinds of drunk right now
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
