Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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