Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
