so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize