1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
