i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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