your room smells of hookers.
And success
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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