When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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