After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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