I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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