We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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