umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Your cock deserves a montage
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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